Fresh New Voice of YA- Lisa Mantchev Guest Blog

Oh, The Glamour

James asked me to speak about what I found in the cushions of my sofa, so I went to investigate. One half of my couch at the moment is actually occupied by my four-year-old daughter. She is asleep. Given that it is 6:45 p.m. on a Friday evening, this would be highly unusual, except she had an emotional meltdown because we were supposed to go see Pixar's Up and then couldn't because one of the four dogs we have peed a lake in the master bedroom, across two fuzzy dog beds and then down the stairs.

Did I mention it's my tenth wedding anniversary today? Totally is!

So, yes. Pee. While I was trying to revise the second book in the Théâtre Illuminata (Perchance To Dream.) It's reached the stage of the project when, if it was a painting or a model airplane, I would jump up and down on it until it was broken in pieces, then I would light the pieces on fire. And let whichever dog peed all over the upstairs carpet come over and pee on the ashes.

Hm. I might have worded that a big strongly, but you get the gist.

Wait, back to the couch. Um. Crumbs of snacks gone by. PlayDoh crumbs. *shudder* I actually detest the smell of PlayDoh. Dog hair. A couple pieces of loose change. Fairy glitter. YEW. Those things over there... well, lets just say they aren't chocolate buttons.

GEEZ MUSTARDSEED.

And... near the couch are approximately ten million dollars of toys. My Little Ponies, baby dolls that also pee (why can I never escape the pee?!?!) and plastic dinosaurs and more bits of PlayDoh. None of these toys has ever or will ever match the awesomeness of the big cardboard box the stove came in, by the way. Then there's the Wii, which I don't actually play, but I hear the Lego games are fun. Other people in the house play the Wii while I write. They should invent a Wii game that would simulate me jumping up and down on my work-in-progress and then setting the bits on fire, except the dang thing doesn't like when you jump on the balance board. More dog hair, around the Wii controllers, of course.

I don't think these descriptions are going to make any of you want to come visit, but I guarantee you that some days, in JK Rowling's enormous Scottish castle, you hear a very lovely and refined British woman shriek "WHO PEED ON THIS RUG?!"

Except she can then go swim in her pool of gold money to relax, just like Scrooge McDuck in the opening sequence of Duck Tales. So there you have it... what's in my sofa cushions, plus the six degrees of separation between me and the author of Harry Potter!